what's wrong wtih me?

1 spinach and cheese croissant, 1 "lowfat" apple bran muffin, 1 pizza, 2 ranch sauces, 1 bbq sauce, 10 mini meringues, two milkyway bars, four mini croissants, two pats of butter, 1 large scoop of jam, three plain glazed krispy kreme dougnuts, 1/4 cheesecake krispy kreme doughnut, 1 plain glazed krispy kreme krueler, 1 brownie, 1/4 pan of extremely goody rocky road fudge/brownie stuff, 1 sugar free Jones' cherry soda, 1 steaming red bean bun from Famima!, 1/2 bowl of guacamole, four large scoops of ceviche, 1 veggie burger with large scoop of guacamole, chips and salsa, 2 pieces of "tomato torte", 1 light beer, 2 mojitos, 2 cookies, 4 or 5 handfuls of extreme fiery habanero doritos, 1 non-fat mocha latte with sugar free chocolate syrup (or so they SAY), two green teas with milk, 1/2 bowl of sugar free strawberry jello, multiple handfuls of misc. pita chips, crackers, etc., 2 pieces of wheat bread dipped in that stuff that says it's "yogurt," not butter or margarine, 1 cappucino made with non-fat milk and 1 splenda, 1 red otter pop, 2 bottles of water and 4 or 5 pieces of fruit, and finally all the other stuff that I forgot to list here.

What do all of these have in common? I ate them all over the past 24 hours. I want to cry.

**ALERT** Hand Turkey gets mention on season (1 of 2) finale of The Sopranos!!

I am thrilled to report that my favorite construction paper pastime was mentioned on last night’s episode of The Sopranos. Is there anyone out there who doesn’t know who this famous crime family is? Uh, probably but they live in South Dakota or something. This is a major milestone in Hand Turkey history people!! I really think that we’re going to see a huge increase in the number of hand turkeys on refrigerators across America come this November.
I’m already planning an entire Sopranos themed Thanksgiving hand turkey event. We’ll have all the big players like Tony and Carmela… maybe even bring back some characters now long gone like Sal, Jackie or even Brendan Filon. I can already see it – a beautiful (and dead) Brendan inspired hand turkey in a bathtub… Whoever wants to make Junior – I’ve already crafted a super sweet pair of thick-rimmed glasses for you to use. And for that really lazy Thanksgiving guest who isn’t too thrilled about the time that one need invest in his or her hand turkey on a day usually devoted to getting fat – I present the Ralphie Cifaretto hand turkey! We’ll just trace your thumb, put it in a cutout of a bowling bag and voila! – you’re done! Won’t everyone be so impressed!

VIVA LA HAND TURKEY!!!!!!!

Don't be a phat music snob

So, my sister posted today about how her playlist to which she listens when she's working out is Waaaaay embarassing...
Here are her highlights:

coconuts - junior senior
freaky girl - shaggy
so on and so on - p.m. dawn
more bounce (in california) - soul kid #1
rock dj - robbie williams
dirrty - christina aguilera
keep it comin' love - kc and the sunshine band
the politics of dancing - reflex
jamie's cryin' - van halen (also a karaoke favorite of mine)
freedom 90 - george michael
murder she wrote - chaka demus & pliers
(keep feeling) fascination - human league

Duuuuuuuude, the fact that she's embarrassed by said playlist actually shows how non-mainstream she is. I was running this morning and rocking out to Lesson In Leavin' and Heads Carolina, Tails California by Jo Dee Messina. SO FUCKING WHAT?! An iPod was made so that you can have a soundtrack to your everyday life - at least that's the meaning that I've applied to this wonderful little gadget. You should see my playlists that I utilize when working out. I have a lot of them. Because that's what I spend a lot of my time doing - working out. (i'll write a lot about this super interesting topic later so please try and contain your excitement until then...)
So, my exercise playlists - I'm talking MAIN-FUCKING-STREAM... there's a reason people lean toward pop music and hiphop and shit that's played a lot on the radio when they're working out. Do you think I'm going to be motivated to run that extra mile uphill if I have to listen to Sufjan's warblings about Illinois and jesus? Uh... no. I want to feel Christina in my ear belting out...

Ladies
Gentlemen
Somebody ring the alarm
A fire on the roof
Ring the alarm (and I'm throwin' elbows)

Oh, I'm overdue
Give me some room
I'm comin through
Paid my dues
In the mood
Me and the girls gonna shake the room

DJ's spinning (show your hands)
Let's get dirrty (that's my jam)
I need that, uh, to get me off
Sweat until my clothes come off......

Jenn, get over yourself and embrace the inner mainstreamer deep within yourself. Embrace the high that a song like My Humps by the Black Eyed Peas can give you when you're an hour into your workout and you need something to get you to the end... Try to look at music in context. Usually when there are running shoes involved, the effects of shitty music are right up there with taking a shit load of EPO.

In conclusion, don't be embarassed by the music on your iPod, regardless of the genre. Besides, there's always going to be the true runner who will look at you with your iPod on and not be thinking "i wonder what awful music THAT girl is listening to right now." Instead, he'll be thinking - "what fucking moron would ruin the experience of running with music anyway?!"

I say give your snob a break and unleash that inner mainstreamer!! Enough writing... i'm going to my kickboxing class.

Visit foregone conclusions here

you're welcome to come

I know most of us has heard it (or used it) at some point...

"Well, I'm meeting so and so for drinks at such and such place and then we're heading out for so and so's party...and you're TOTALLY welcome to come if you'd like..."

Oh yes, it's the unnecessary "you're welcome to come." I mean, why not just say, "I have plans and you're not included. Maybe we should plan on doing something another night, or better yet, never." I'm a firm believer in cutting through the bullshit when it comes to making plans and so forth. I'm fairly certain that I've never "welcome'd to come" anybody. In fact, if my plans don't include a certain person who's calling, I'll occasionally screen my phone calls in an effort to spare said person the confusion and anxiety of the "you're welcome to come." In addition, I'd never want to risk welcoming someone to come and then that person actually accepting my invitation! What could possibly BE more awkward?

Then there's always the other side - someone who doesn't understand the true meaning of "welcome to come" and says it so you won't feel obligated to join them but in truth, they really would enjoy your company. Clearly, these people just don't get it and so they will forever live in uncertainty and confusion because they couldn't just come out and say "I'd really like it if you'd come with me/us..."

Finally, there's the ego protection "welcome to come." This person says it because in truth, they want you to come but they're afraid that you already have plans and are terrified of rejection and defeat - even if its on such a small level. They understand the negative connotation of "welcome to come" but they're hoping, secretly, that you're one of those oblivious people who will accept the invitation. But, if the person doesn't accept, then they've safely placed themselves behind the cast iron "welcome to come" barrier - ego intact.

What's the take you ask? Well... If you're going to "you're welcome to come" someone, make it a good one, like - "What am I doing tonight you ask? Oh, well, I think the boys and I are going out to that strip club by LAX, yeah, you know, the one with the sign that says "Vaginas R' Us" where we'll tuck a few dollars into the thongs of some strippers in the hopes that they'll be successful and make us cum in our pants...I mean, you're welcome to come if you'd like..."
This way, no one is confused as to the true meaning of "you're welcome to come."